Fuck break ups, GAWD
I hate you, break ups.
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“This is a pretty common perception of White Identity that should definitely be talked about more. Nobody wants to be left out of shit, but the fact that Whites literally cannot handle it (while other races put up with it day-in/day-out) and feel personally attacked when excluded from Non-White safe-spots tells you 1. how rarely White people experience someone excluding them based on skin color and 2. how completely White culture has failed to provide tools for sharing space, instead teaching Whites that all space is White space (“because all space is space for everyone”, a perception Whites share with no one).”
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Fuck break ups, GAWD I hate you, break ups.
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Sadface. Fucking dude purposefully grazed my breast at work today under the guise of stroking my arm in greeting while he slowly walked past me and two co-workers. This guy is the father of two of the owners of the restaurant I just started working at. He eats there every day, and is part owner of a restaurant managed by the same small company. So he’s not my employer or a co-worker, but he does have influence over my job if he asserts it.
In the first place, I would have felt uncomfortable if he’d touched my arm the way he did. He’s done that once before, and I blew it off as him not having an understanding of why it was inappropriate, and thinking to myself that he might not have meant anything by it, knowing that time would tell. Well motherfucken time sure did tell.
We were so busy, my co-workers didn’t see his action, and I was just as busy working with them to run food and shit. I was caught up real bad, because I was trying not to loose my shit at work, but having this intense reaction inside myself, struggling to keep tears back. It takes time for me to process these things. I now, over 10 hours later, feel that the best way to have handled it would have been to immediately assert my boundary verbally to him. But my first instinct is to doubt my own discernment. So I have to get past the whole “am I crazy?” part before I can asses what happened, and figure out both how different actions I could respond with or not respond with would affect me, and how they would affect women at large, both in my workplace and beyond. I feel a responsibility to act in a way that changes this bullshit.
I am so upset. I have decided that I am going to approach the person who trained me. I saw this guy touch her on the wrist the same way last week, and wanted to address it, but again, AGAIN (unfuckingbelievable) I thought of a million excuses for not talking to her about it. She is probably of the mindset that he’s just a “creepy old man” and that we have to just deal with it, and not let it bother us. Maybe she didn’t even notice. Maybe she won’t admit to having noticed because she feels uncomfortable talking about it. Maybe she will have already forgotten about it. The list goes on and on. This list is what is PISSING ME OFF.
That so many of us are so used to dealing with it that we have all these different ways to excuse the behavior, or rather, absorb its effects…while the behavior is perpetuated, tolerated, endured, etc etc…I have read so many zines and spent so much time re-writing my “script” for situations like this. I’ve established my boundaries. I am one of the last people I would expect to revert to my little girl self and freeze when this happens, and question myself for having smiled at him and been so sweet up to this point. I’m so frustrated that after all the work I’ve been doing, I still carry around the effects of the abuse and assaults and years of sexual harassment and social conditioning. I’m frustrated and upset that so many other people are still carrying this shit around too, and that so many other people (I know, I know other people feel it too)feel trapped in this fucking shit hole of a social fuck. That is the only word I can even try to ascribe to it. Fuck.
I am going to approach the person I saw him touch, and see what she has to say. I don’t know whether or not we will decide to go to a manager, but I know I have decided to address the issue verbally if/when (and if experience tells me anything, I could bet fucking money there will be a when) he touches me again, I will assert my boundary immediately, verbally, directly to him.
What I want to know from y’all is this: what do you do when you’re trying to deal with the residual? When you’re alone and angry and feeling trapped by everything that creates and perpetuates this type of environment? Because that’s what I am struggling with right now, and feeling a bit alone in a city where I don’t know many people, have no housemates and the one person whose presence would be a comfort is not here? What do y’all do?
Sadface.
Fucking dude purposefully grazed my breast at work today under the guise of stroking my arm in greeting while he slowly walked past me and two co-workers. This guy is the father of two of the owners of the restaurant I just started working at. He eats there every day, and is part owner of a restaurant managed by the same small company. So he’s not my employer or a co-worker, but he does have influence over my job if he asserts it.
In the first place, I would have felt uncomfortable if he’d touched my arm the way he did. He’s done that once before, and I blew it off as him not having an understanding of why it was inappropriate, and thinking to myself that he might not have meant anything by it, knowing that time would tell. Well motherfucken time sure did tell.
We were so busy, my co-workers didn’t see his action, and I was just as busy working with them to run food and shit. I was caught up real bad, because I was trying not to loose my shit at work, but having this intense reaction inside myself, struggling to keep tears back. It takes time for me to process these things. I now, over 10 hours later, feel that the best way to have handled it would have been to immediately assert my boundary verbally to him. But my first instinct is to doubt my own discernment. So I have to get past the whole “am I crazy?” part before I can asses what happened, and figure out both how different actions I could respond with or not respond with would affect me, and how they would affect women at large, both in my workplace and beyond. I feel a responsibility to act in a way that changes this bullshit.
I am so upset. I have decided that I am going to approach the person who trained me. I saw this guy touch her on the wrist the same way last week, and wanted to address it, but again, AGAIN (unfuckingbelievable) I thought of a million excuses for not talking to her about it. She is probably of the mindset that he’s just a “creepy old man” and that we have to just deal with it, and not let it bother us. Maybe she didn’t even notice. Maybe she won’t admit to having noticed because she feels uncomfortable talking about it. Maybe she will have already forgotten about it. The list goes on and on. This list is what is PISSING ME OFF.
That so many of us are so used to dealing with it that we have all these different ways to excuse the behavior, or rather, absorb its effects…while the behavior is perpetuated, tolerated, endured, etc etc…I have read so many zines and spent so much time re-writing my “script” for situations like this. I’ve established my boundaries. I am one of the last people I would expect to revert to my little girl self and freeze when this happens, and question myself for having smiled at him and been so sweet up to this point. I’m so frustrated that after all the work I’ve been doing, I still carry around the effects of the abuse and assaults and years of sexual harassment and social conditioning. I’m frustrated and upset that so many other people are still carrying this shit around too, and that so many other people (I know, I know other people feel it too)feel trapped in this fucking shit hole of a social fuck. That is the only word I can even try to ascribe to it. Fuck.
I am going to approach the person I saw him touch, and see what she has to say. I don’t know whether or not we will decide to go to a manager, but I know I have decided to address the issue verbally if/when (and if experience tells me anything, I could bet fucking money there will be a when) he touches me again, I will assert my boundary immediately, verbally, directly to him.
What I want to know from y’all is this: what do you do when you’re trying to deal with the residual? When you’re alone and angry and feeling trapped by everything that creates and perpetuates this type of environment? Because that’s what I am struggling with right now, and feeling a bit alone in a city where I don’t know many people, have no housemates and the one person whose presence would be a comfort is not here? What do y’all do?
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FFFFFFML A FB Post thread resulting in yet another couple of un-friendings:
Steven: Stop….listening…..to…..lil….bitchass…wayne
Ele: Stop using the word bitch to degrade? Love you, but I gotta say it. ♥
Andrew: well he does have about as much sense as a female dogs ass
Steven: ur talking about wayne right ? lol
Ele: HAHA
Ele: But seriously, fellas. Femininity ain’t got shit to do with it. I’m sure one dog’s ass is as dumb as another.
Steven: Jus sounds like semantics homegurl. The intent was to insult a male rapper who is notorious for REALLY degrading women, on purpose. Most of the time we use this term unconscious of its origin (which granted, is sexist). But which is more important, intent, or semantics? I personally use the term to relate to hip hop heads, period. Me and Andrew actually call eachother bitchass all the time. lol. its used both ways. I would never use the term to degrade a woman, unless she really, really, really deserved it. what about motherfucker? should i not use that too?
Ele: It’s not semantics. I’m glad you acknowledge that you are conscious of the word’s origin. Whether someone uses the word consciously or not, regardless of their intentions, it’s usually sexist. Using a word associated with femininity in order to degrade someone (no matter how shitty that person is)is not okay. You may as well call Lil Wayne a woman while you’re at it, since everyone knows the word “bitch” is associated with women. If you can agree (which I think you can, I know at least a little bit about where you are coming from)that being a woman is not a bad thing, then why choose to use a word associated with women, in order to insult a man? It is not okay. We are all tired of it. You can choose to perpetuate misogyny or you can continue to defend it and rationalize it. ((*But in the meantime, consider how you might be hurting and alienating your sisters.*)) I stopped calling people “dicks” as a response to their rude behavior because I think it’s sexist for me or anyone to associate a male body part with rude behavior. I don’t want to use a word associated with men as a put down. And as far as a woman deserving to be degraded? I think, and hope, that what you really mean is that you wouldn’t call a woman a bitch unless she was being a genuine jerk. I don’t think you mean you would actually want to degrade a woman, or that a woman ever deserves to be degraded. I think the term asshole is gender neutral, and it’s one I like to use frequently. If you do think women deserve in any situation to be degraded, this is going to be a very long conversation that we should probably have in person. It’s really important to me to call this shit out when I see it…if I don’t…I can’t tell you what it did to me to live in this world and just take it, all the time, from all angles….media, entertainment, friends, strangers…please try to hear me, I consider you a friend, and that’s why I’m making an effort here. If you wanna get together ever and talk about this, send me a msg, I’ll give you my number.
Andrew: feminist take things too far . . and seem to take every word literal
Steven: whats this “we” stuff. a woman (who i respect very much) “liked” my post. obviously she wasnt offended. How can you speak for all women, when you have no idea what their general opinion is?
Ele: I’m done. It’s not my job to help either of you understand this. I’m glad I tried.
Is there anything you would have done differently? I am hoping to learn from this, and trying to stay glad that I attempted to bridge the gap, but it’s hard not to feel like I’m wasting my time and letting myself get hurt in the process.
*I’d also like to point out that Steven is a white male rapper, as I think that is significant in this conversation when he states that he uses the word “bitch” to relate to “hip hop heads.” I also don’t know that I would have approached a MOC about their use of the word because I am white and I don’t believe it’s my place to police the words of a POC. Can anyone offer insight?
FFFFFFML
A FB Post thread resulting in yet another couple of un-friendings:
Steven: Stop….listening…..to…..lil….bitchass…wayne
Ele: Stop using the word bitch to degrade? Love you, but I gotta say it. ♥
Andrew: well he does have about as much sense as a female dogs ass
Steven: ur talking about wayne right ? lol
Ele: HAHA
Ele: But seriously, fellas. Femininity ain’t got shit to do with it. I’m sure one dog’s ass is as dumb as another.
Steven: Jus sounds like semantics homegurl. The intent was to insult a male rapper who is notorious for REALLY degrading women, on purpose. Most of the time we use this term unconscious of its origin (which granted, is sexist). But which is more important, intent, or semantics? I personally use the term to relate to hip hop heads, period. Me and Andrew actually call eachother bitchass all the time. lol. its used both ways. I would never use the term to degrade a woman, unless she really, really, really deserved it. what about motherfucker? should i not use that too?
Ele: It’s not semantics. I’m glad you acknowledge that you are conscious of the word’s origin. Whether someone uses the word consciously or not, regardless of their intentions, it’s usually sexist. Using a word associated with femininity in order to degrade someone (no matter how shitty that person is)is not okay. You may as well call Lil Wayne a woman while you’re at it, since everyone knows the word “bitch” is associated with women. If you can agree (which I think you can, I know at least a little bit about where you are coming from)that being a woman is not a bad thing, then why choose to use a word associated with women, in order to insult a man? It is not okay. We are all tired of it. You can choose to perpetuate misogyny or you can continue to defend it and rationalize it. ((*But in the meantime, consider how you might be hurting and alienating your sisters.*)) I stopped calling people “dicks” as a response to their rude behavior because I think it’s sexist for me or anyone to associate a male body part with rude behavior. I don’t want to use a word associated with men as a put down. And as far as a woman deserving to be degraded? I think, and hope, that what you really mean is that you wouldn’t call a woman a bitch unless she was being a genuine jerk. I don’t think you mean you would actually want to degrade a woman, or that a woman ever deserves to be degraded. I think the term asshole is gender neutral, and it’s one I like to use frequently. If you do think women deserve in any situation to be degraded, this is going to be a very long conversation that we should probably have in person. It’s really important to me to call this shit out when I see it…if I don’t…I can’t tell you what it did to me to live in this world and just take it, all the time, from all angles….media, entertainment, friends, strangers…please try to hear me, I consider you a friend, and that’s why I’m making an effort here. If you wanna get together ever and talk about this, send me a msg, I’ll give you my number.
Andrew: feminist take things too far . . and seem to take every word literal
Steven: whats this “we” stuff. a woman (who i respect very much) “liked” my post. obviously she wasnt offended. How can you speak for all women, when you have no idea what their general opinion is?
Ele: I’m done. It’s not my job to help either of you understand this. I’m glad I tried.
Is there anything you would have done differently? I am hoping to learn from this, and trying to stay glad that I attempted to bridge the gap, but it’s hard not to feel like I’m wasting my time and letting myself get hurt in the process.
*I’d also like to point out that Steven is a white male rapper, as I think that is significant in this conversation when he states that he uses the word “bitch” to relate to “hip hop heads.” I also don’t know that I would have approached a MOC about their use of the word because I am white and I don’t believe it’s my place to police the words of a POC. Can anyone offer insight?
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Anon Announcement: @p0isAn0N and @OccupyBoston has just received a subpoena to their twitter account from Boston PD. The subpoena also asked twitter to disclose all IP address logs to anyone who used the hashtags “d0xcak3” and “BostonPD”. adailyriot:
occupyallstreets:
Photo Credit
wtf
